Hmmmmmmm..............

There are so many questions in my mind about relationships. Like, why do people get married after being happily together for years, only to break up after only a few months? Is it because the paperwork changes things? Is it because one partner thought it was going to be "happily ever after" with picket fences and flowers, and when reality hit, they were thrown for a loop? Is it because they only married in order to get divorced, and "take" their partner for everything they have? Is it because one finds out after the paper is signed that the grass is greener somewhere else? Or is it just that they didn't take it as seriously as they should have from the get go? Rob and I have been together for 10 years, happily. Sometimes I think I want to get married, other times, it's the LAST thing I want. That tells me that even after 10 years, I am not ready. Sure, I would like to have his name. but why? Is it to prove to everyone that someone loves me enuff to marry me? Does it make me "acceptable"? I used to care what people thought. I was sort of embarrassed to be just "shackling up". Now, I don't care in the least what people think. It's what Rob and I think that counts. We are happy. We love each other. We are NOT married and probably never will be. Why ruin a good thing? But would it? What would change, other than my last name? We would still love each other, live together as a family, and take care of each other. Why does it seem to change things when people get married? I suppose I will never know the answers to these questions, nor will I ever understand. I just know that if one person has ANY doubts at all about this kind of committment, they shouldn't sign the paper. And if they do and find that they are not happy, get out of the situation. Don't linger, making each other miserable. Leave, before that love they once shared, turns to hate. Like I say... "cut your losses and move on". It's better to make a clean break, even if it cuts deeply, because that way, the healing can start. If you drag it out, arguing, and fighting, and being "afraid" to hurt someone, or yourself, you are only putting off the inevitable. And it takes alot longer to heal. They shouldn't be afraid to be alone, because chances are they won't be alone long, unless that's their choice. Well, that's what I think....but what do I know?

Life Changes

Okay. Things never stay the same. That's a given. But, do the changes have to be bad things? I know that some people only look at the dark side of things, and are so blinded by the negatives, they can't see the positives. That makes me sad. I guess because I have always been a "half-full" type of person, it's hard for me to see people sink into deep depressions, when there are so many things they can do to get out of it. I'm not talking about meds. I'm talking about making positive changes in their lives. Going to see a counselor, talking to a friend, or just writing everything down to get it off your chest. If you aren't happy, change it. You don't like the way your living your life, CHANGE IT. Everyone has choices in their lives, exercise your right to choose to be happy. Everyone gets depressed at times. It's not a rarity. Everyone has bad days. It's how you deal with those times that makes you stronger. You can sit there and say, "poor me" or you can get off your ass and do something positive. No one wants to be a quitter, although sometimes, maybe quitting a situation would be the best choice for everyone. That's just my opinion.

Awe Struck

WOW. This past week has been very informative. I have learned alot about myself and what REAL friendship is all about. I have learned that I am not alone in my troubles and concerns about life, and I have learned that even though things happen in your life, and people go their separate ways, true friendship is still there. It's that thread that hold us all together. I learned that I made impressions on people that have lasted through the years, and that they were good. I learned that people forgive and forget, and are willing to take up friendships that fell to the way side years ago. I found that people I hadn't thought about in years, not only remember me, but have fond memories. I also learned that they, too, are glad we have reconnected, and want to take up where we left off. We all have certain regrets in life. My biggest regret is the time I have lost with people that are no longer with us. It's made me realize how important everyone in our lives are, and we should make the most of the time we have with them. Take each moment, and hold it close. Learn what it feels like, smells like, and burn that memory into our hearts forever. Once it's gone, you can never get it back, but the memory will be there forever. It's God's way of giving you that loving embrace when you need it. It's there to cheer you up, make you feel loved, and most of all, fill up the loneliness. Everyone has days when they need the warm, loving feel of their parents, or brothers or sisters or friends, that have passed on. Use those memories to fill the emptiness. That's why we have them.

Another Gorgeous Day

Hi Folks! It's another beautiful day in the Adirondack Mts! The sun is shining brightly, and I am listening to the bluejays squawking loudly outside. I can also hear wild turkeys gobbling faintly in the woods. I love it here this time of year. In a few more weeks, the leaves will be changing and then the woods explode into rainbows of fall colors. The wild apples are turning red too, they are so small, (about the size of golf balls)but still tasty. The only bad thing...BEARS. The bears are getting fat for the upcoming winter. The other night, Rob was letting the dogs out for their "before bed business trip" and called me to the back door. When I got there... he asked me to tell him what I smelled. I told him that I could smell the wood burning from our neighbors outdoor furnace. And he said... can you smell that sour wet grass smell. I sniffed the air, and sure enough I could. I asked him what that was, and he told me....BEARS. Needless to say, we got the dogs back in the house in a hurry. Last fall, Rob and I were travelling to town one evening, and right down the road from our house, we saw 4 bears run across the road in front of the car. Our neighbor has seen them down back in the woods eating the wild apples. One was about 8 ft tall standing on his back feet, and about 500 lbs. The one draw back of living up here. But, I wouldn't live anywhere else! I think that's all for today... have a good one!!

Been Awhile

Hi folks! It's been a long time since I blogged and alot has been going on. Last April I began the weight loss program at Adirondack Medical Center in Saranac Lake, NY. I've been prodded, poked, xrayed, ultrasounded, stretched, and wired for sound. Translated means..I have been examined, gotten tons of blood taken, had a chest xray, had my gall bladder and kidneys viewed thru ultrasound, been to physical therapy, been to a nutritionist, and lastly, been to a sleep clinic...twice. Everything turned out good except for the sleep study. I found out in there, that I have sleep apnea and now have to sleep with a CPAP machine. ( which will take some getting used to). I have to go to a behavioural modification class next month, then have a stress test in October, then I will be good to go for the surgery. I did pass a milestone mark this summer too. I just had my last 3 month post cancer check up and passed it with flying colors. That means that now I only have to go for the cystoscopy every 6 months instead of three for the next 2 years. Also in April, we went to Virgina Beach again for Easter. We stayed at our favorite hotel on the Beach, and even got the same room! This trip, we took Lindsay's friend, Stephanie with us. Those kids had a blast. The weather didn't co-operate again this trip and it rained most of the time we were there, but the girls had a couple of days that it was nice enough for them to rent bikes and ride the boardwalk all day. This summer, if that's what you want to call it, we planted a garden again. It rained the first 16 weeks of summer, and only has been nice since the first of August. Needless to say, the garden was very slow to start. We have gotten a boat load of veggies tho. I have put 30 pounds of green beans, 14 lbs of summer squash, and 20 cups of diced green peppers in the freezer. We also have had cukes and the corn should be ready in a week or so if the weather holds out. Next month, Rob and I will celebrate 10 years together. Where does the time go? It doesn't seem like we have been together that long already. Alot of people would probably be shocked to know that we made it this far. More importantly, we made it this far and still like each other! We've gone through some really tough times over the years, and it's true that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. We still love each other, more than ever, and that's what counts. Well, I guess that's all for now. I am going to start posting regularly again... I promise.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Well, here in the north country, my life has picked up a pace or two. This has been a very busy and productive week. As some of you know, I am planning a trip to California in the fall. This week, I got the go-ahead from my "hunny", so I have been researching flights. It's alot of work to find the "perfect" flight schedule. Especially when you have to work around vacation time and fishing schedules! I catch the flight out of Syracuse, (about a 3 hour drive) so I have to take into consideration, when Rob can drive me down, and he fishes tournaments on some weekends. Yes, my baby is a "bassmaster", and does pretty well at it. But I digress. Anyway, I decided on September 19 thru the 3rd of October. The flight I finally chose, will put me in Dallas at about 4 PM for 3 hours. That works out wonderfully, because I will get to see my friend, Mikel,who lives in Ft. Worth, whom I haven't seen since the early 70's! Then on to California, where I will be for two days less than 2 weeks and I have to find the time to see family and friends numbering close to 20 in 3-4 different cities. But, I am going to try my darndest to see everyone! Also this week, I made the fist step to a healthier (and longer) life. I went for my first meeting about getting bariatric surgery. It was just an informational meeting, but afterwards, I knew this was something I want to do. So, my first one on one appointment with the surgeon is April 24th. I am opting for a "lap band". Those of you who've known me most my life, know that I have waged war against fat my whole life. It's been one battle after another. This time, I'm going into battle with a new determination and some heavy artillery. I found a bariatric center who makes the lifetime committment to help me beat this. I have to go to several different types of sessions, with different types of doctors, before the surgery. I also have to complete a program before they will do the surgery itself. So, I am looking at 6 months or more before I actually go under the knife. But, if it makes me healthier, and gives me a few more years on this earth...then I can wait. The program consists of sessions with a nutritionist, to teach me about the healthy foods I should be eating. A psychologist, to help me deal with the mental side of this major lifestyle change, and to discuss emotional impacts. And a physical therapist, to set up my own personal exercise program. I'm pysched and can't wait to get started. These folks at the center have such a great attitude. They are super supportive, and make you feel excited and enthusiastic about the weight loss. They treat obesity as a disease and not just something caused by being indulgent and lazy. I really like the feeling I had when I left. Another thing I had to do this week is make some plans for our "spring break" vacation. Every year, we like to do something over Lindsay's Easter vacation. It kind of comes at a great time for us up here in the NE. After months of snow and bitter cold, it's nice to take a week and do something in some place a little warmer. I never understood the concept of "sping break" when I lived in California. After a few years living in the "great white north" I have a whole new respect for "spring break" and look forward to it as much as anyone else! I'm not complaining, I love it here, and I love the separate seasons, and I wouldn't live anywhere else! Well, that's my bloggy for today. Ya'll have a good weekend, ya hear?

Life Is Good

Things here in the NE are going well. I have a clean bill of health, My family is healthy and happy, and all is good with my world. I just got back into Myspace this past weekend, and right off found an old friend that I haven't talked to in a very long time. Thank goodness for those folks who developed Myspace and Facebook. I have gotten to reconnect with friends from high school, and people I haven't seen in 25 to 30 years. I have found long lost relatives, and even some people I really wasn't looking for but found anyway. As I get older, I realize that there were some folks who really had an impact on my life. At the time we were friends, I never thought of them that way. It's only with age and some new found wisdoms that I happen to realize just how much they meant to me. Maybe it's the distance of miles and years. Since I moved to New York, I have found myself looking to my past to reconnect with family and friends. I moved to a place where I knew NO ONE, and found my self longing for familiar faces. It was a hard choice to make, leaving everything that I loved and was "home" to me. But, after 10 years, I wouldn't have made any other decision. Yes, I left family, friends, familiarity, but I gained so much. I have made new friends, I have my own family now. I still long for contact with those old friends and family members I left in California. It's so nice to have people in my life that have known me since the first grade and are still my friends. I have friends that I met after I graduated high school, that had nothing to do with my school years that have remained friends after all these years. There are "family" members, who, although we are not related by blood or marriage, are still family and have been there for me through the years. When I was younger, I used to say I didn't have "friends". I just had acquaintances and family. Now, I know I was wrong. I have friends is the truest sense of the word. I want to thank you all for sticking by me, through thick and thin. For forgiving all my short comings and remaining my friends thru the years. You will never, ever know how much that means to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! For everyone reading this....embrace the people in your life. Hold them close. Always tell them how much they mean to you. Never take them for granted. Even though you may argue and fight, or drift apart, and go your separate ways. True friendship will endure. It will be there when you need it, no matter how long it's been. With that thought... have a great day!